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Month: December 2017

Recognizing Your Triggers For Panic Attacks

When you have panic attacks, like I do, it’s important to recognize what triggers them. I’m sure you’ve seen the different blog posts on the Internet that read “trigger warning.” What that means is that the content that you will read may trigger you. So that’s why it’s important to know what your triggers are. With panic disorder, I have specific triggers that affect me and one of them is hypochondria. If somebody talks about having a disease I get nervous and that anxiety could transform into a panic attack. I am working on that issue and exposure therapy. But in the meantime, I am aware that I may get panic attacks due to being afraid I am dying of a random disease.
I get panic attacks when I feel like I am out of control in the situation. But knowing about these triggers is important because of there something I can do about them.
People who have recovered from emotionally abusive relationships often get panic attacks when they are triggered by something that reminds them of the abuse and the same goes for physical and sexual abuse survivors. However, when you’re working on your triggers in therapy you can be more aware of what they are and learn when they come up so you know what you can do to help yourself. The first step to getting well from panic is to know what’s causing it. You may be managing anxiety throughout the course of your life, however, if you know what causes that anxiety you’ll be better off. You’ll be able to figure out how to respond when the triggers come up so that they don’t control you. I have found that awareness is so crucial for my anxiety management plan.
Sometimes it’s a matter of just riding it out. Panic is like a rollercoaster that you didn’t stand in line for. It’s there, it’s annoying and you’ve got to roll with it. You don’t know what to do necessarily but you do know that the panic attack will not last forever. Doing mindful breathing, meditating, and focusing on where you are, and your surroundings will help you to stay grounded during a panic attack.
Also remember that people who have not experienced panic attacks personally may not always understand what you’re going through. So try not to take it personally. I used to get very upset when other people did not get what I was feeling when I was panicking.
Now I understand that panic disorder is difficult to explain to others if they have never experienced it and it’s OK if I feel alone. As long as I am able to manage the panic attacks that’s what counts. If I find that the anxiety is unmanageable that’s when I need to shift and change something. If you’re experiencing panic attacks during this time in your life, I feel for you because I’ve been there. But remember that panic does not last forever. Working on your triggers will help you to understand where your anxiety comes from.

#BookTherapy with Sarah Fader (Me)

I have written seven books and I love writing. I’ve been writing since I was six-years-old, and I don’t play by the rules. I enjoy sentence fragments, semicolon usage, and offbeat humor. I often wish there was a sarcasm font and I still don’t understand why our society can’t get it together to have one. Writing is one of the most freeing and cathartic experiences for me. I get to use SAT words, get my emotions out, and be myself on paper.

Since I love writing so much, I would like to help you write a book. Is there a story you’ve been dying to write? What is stopping you? It’s time to break through those walls and get through those invisible barriers. The clarity you’ll receive when working with me is undeniable. I know that we can produce something you’ll be proud of. I’m well-versed in the world of self-publishing and I can guide you to professionals who will get your book on the market.

Are you interested in hearing more? Schedule a free Skype session me by contacting me here. Click the contact form and reach out! I promise I don’t bite.

Why you shouldn’t convince people to believe in therapy

There are people out there who don’t believe in therapy. I used to try to convince them about how therapy could help people. I felt like I was a therapy evangelist. I would stand on my soapbox and tell them why they were wrong. I’d try to sway them in the right direction. But, ultimately, it would leave me feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. You can’t convince someone to believe in something they don’t. It’s just like this: I believe in astrology. I used to try to convince other people about how accurate and wonderful astrology was, but they didn’t want to hear it. They told me I was anti-science and uneducated. That isn’t a pleasant thing to hear of course. So with therapy, it’s the same concept, I am not going to sit here and tell you to go to a therapist if there’s no way in hell you’re going to do it. I can tell you if you’re interested in learning the benefits of therapy. I can preach to you that there’s affordable or even free options out there. People will either want to hear me or they won’t. But there’s no use in me shouting louder about how awesome therapy is.

I am a big proponent of people getting the help and care they deserve. We all deserve to have a great life, and people with mental illness benefit from going to see a therapist. Sometimes seeing a psychiatrist and therapist together is the best combination. But again, I’m not here to tell you what to do for yourself. That’s a waste of my time if you can’t hear me. Telling people what to do is never productive. Presenting them with viable options if they’re open to them is the way to go. It’s the same thing for any unsolicited advice. If someone doesn’t ask you for advice, likely they don’t want to hear what you have to say.

Here’s a thought: ask the person this “are you open to hearing about therapy?” Then you can gauge their reaction and react accordingly. Don’t sit there and spout the gospel about how therapy is going to change their lives. Another thing I do is share my personal story about how therapy has helped me. People often learn through modeling or examples. If you can show them proof that something worked for someone else, they’re likely to consider that concrete evidence rather than an abstraction.

Have you ever tried to convince someone to do something? Has it worked for you? I’m seriously curious about this. I would like to know what your success rate is for trying to make someone do anything including (but not limited to) going to get mental health care. I’ve seen this be successful with addicts at times. You say to the person, “listen either you get help or get out of my house.” Sometimes that shocks people into reality. But in terms of therapy, I’m not sure. The person has to be ready to get help.

Kindergarten rules can help your marriage

I’ve been thinking about romantic relationships including marriages and how similar they are to being a child in a kindergarten classroom. Here are my thoughts on the topic below.

When we are in kindergarten we learn to share. We are told that it is polite when you are playing with a toy to share with your friend. You can relate this to romantic relationships in adult life. When you guys are sleeping in the same bed you have to share the blanket as much as you don’t want to, you cannot hog it. Well, you can but your partner will be annoyed.

in kindergarten we are taught we have to take turns. So maybe it’s Jack’s day to hand out the snack and it is Liza’s day to be the meeting helper. Not everybody can do the same job every day. In a relationship when you’re living together you need to take turns doing household chores. Nobody wants to do the dishes every day and nobody wants to do laundry all the time. It’s fair to take turns with these tasks. It’s less likely that you have a job chart up if you are an adult couple living together but maybe that would help. This is helpful so that it’s very clear whose job is whose.
Here’s the difference between kindergarten relationships: in kindergarten naps, are valued. In relationships, if one person takes a nap the other person sometimes gets mad. Unless of course, you’re napping together then everything is fine. But when you have children and one person is napping too much the other person feels resentment. There is no resentment regarding naps in kindergarten. If your friend falls asleep on their mat, you wouldn’t be angry with them. Well, that’s not entirely true, some kids don’t like napping and they will try to stay up intentionally because they want to play. I experienced this when I taught in kindergarten classrooms as a substitute teacher in New York City. The kids would do anything to avoid napping, which frankly I don’t understand because I love naps.
In kindergarten when two kids have a conflict sometimes the teacher needs to intervene and help them work it out. In adult relationships when two adults have a conflict sometimes a therapist needs to intervene and work it out with them. I remember when I was in school, I trained to be what was known as a conflict manager. I would see kids on the playground who needed help resolving conflicts and help them use “I messages” to talk to each other. “I messages” are when you say “I feel hurt when you call me stupid.” These are things that even a kindergartener can use. They are also often used by adults in therapy sessions. It helps people to stop blaming other people for your feelings. You can communicate how you feel without placing the onus on someone else. You see how similar kindergarten relationships are?
There you have it, that is how kindergarten is so similar to romantic relationships. I need to get better at sharing myself. I do love naps though!
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